the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
