You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
