So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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