i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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