this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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