Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
