we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
