I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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