i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
