Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
