Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
