YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
