i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
