foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
