I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
