Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
