Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
