I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
