Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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