I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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