i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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