What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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