not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
