Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
