He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize