I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
