i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
