he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
