He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
