I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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