You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
