there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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