i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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