is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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