i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
