I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
