No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
