Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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