So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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