I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
