U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
