Kareoke will never be a sober sport
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
