Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
