I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
