No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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