im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
