A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
