I got chris browned last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
