just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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