Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
