Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
