This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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