just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
