It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
