If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
