I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize