Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
