Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
