I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
