Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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