i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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