I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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