i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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