A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
