Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
