i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
