Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
