I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
