I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize