just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
