I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
