happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize