He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
