Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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