just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
