awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
