My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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