nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
