brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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