Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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