I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
