Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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