Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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