guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
