Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
