yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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