I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
